"All Is Vanity"

^"Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity. What profit hath a man of all his labour which he taketh under the sun?"

This comment appears in the Bible (King James Version in this case), Ecclesiastes 1. The writer spoke of the utter hopelessness of his life -- all based on things and actions of which God would not approve.

I don't think I have much of a problem in that area, but the verses (and the ones that follow -- look 'em up in your Bible if you're so inclined) seem to be ringing especially true for me lately.

I'm getting old...OK, I AM old, and have been for a while. When loved ones around you die and the things/careers/educational goals we work so hard at just don't do what they're supposed to do, then we look at what we've really accomplished, it's possible to get to a point where everything feels worthless. Like -- what's the point? We get old, do stuff in the meantime, then die, and the world goes on without us.

What's it all for? What's the point?

Some people want to leave a legacy behind to be remembered by -- the closest to immortality we'll ever achieve here in this lifetime. But maybe we're fooling ourselves. I've often thought if I were incredibly rich and I could fund a new addition to a hospital, I would resist calling it The Mark Junge Center for Really Important Medical Stuff. No one would know how to pronounce my last name, and anyway, who cares whose name appears on the building. The Really Important Medical Stuff is all people want and need

In my head, I know whats really important and what isn't. But there's something depressing about reaching a stage where "all is vanity" is what it was all about.

Supposedly, painting was going to be my legacy of sorts...or, at least, a way to earn a living. In fact, the gift of knowing how to make money by any method seems to be a skill I never picked up along the way. I certainly worked hard at a number of skills -- science and art were the two at the top.

But it never really worked out financially, and now I'm just tired. The motivation to work at something seems to be gone. I could have a number of reasons for feeling that way, but I can't discount the sheer frustration of working hard for a long LONG period of time and being no better off now than I was many years ago.

So, that's it. At least now that I've been collecting Social Security, I can paint what I want to paint without even wondering if it would sell or not.

At least THAT thought is freeing!  ☺


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Oh, and don't forget -- you can still find me at:
    http://www.SouthwestSpaces.com
    http://www.MarkJunge.com

 

Rest in the Midst of Art

I mentioned in a previous entry a phrase by Rolland May in his book, "The Courage to Create" that always seemed profound and accurate: something about how "artists confront their art."

I would rather work at creating art than work at a so-called "real job," given the choice. When things are moving along and the inspiration is there, creating artwork seems to involve a combination of being in a meditative trance and being on meth ('tho' I must admit, I have no experience with the latter -- I have to make some assumptions here). We artists zero in on what we're doing, oblivious to time or even to hunger. Yet, we're filled with energy to continue creating for long periods of time, and interruptions can be particularly startling and frustrating. When the artwork turns out well, we (or at least I) reach an emotional high that, I would guess, outmatches any chemical high a person can get.

At the same time, artwork IS, after all, work. We confront our art every time we work on it. And it's work that requires focus and energy -- we can't fly along on autopilot as we create that next masterpiece.

So when one paints for a living and one is tired, distracted, lacking motivation or just needs a change of scenery, making art can seem like the hardest job in the universe -- including all of the alternate ones!

It doesn't help, either, when artists like me feel like we MUST paint all the time, forgetting there is a business side that must be attended to. AND we need downtime, too -- maybe one day a week for some guilt-free relaxation, a lot to ask of a driven, type-A personality like me!

God Himself took a day of rest, and He told us to take one day a week to rest, too. Maybe I otta take him up on that!