No More Gracie =(

Today was one of the days we pet owners dread the most: when we see a pet's health deteriorate and we know we have to have to euthanize our critter.

In our case, the critter was Gracie, a guinea pig we loved more than we ever thought possible.

We acquired her from one of The Wiffee's co-workers in 2008. Gracie had already been well-socialized and was used to being handled and petted. We both enjoyed holding her, but it soon became obvious that I was Gracie's favorite human. She gave me "puppy-dog eyes" (even though she's a guinea piggy) when I petted her, and she trained me to pet her in all the right places. She also "kissed" me by licking and nibbling on my lips, and she often would hold perfectly still so I could do the same to her. She never did this with The Wiffee OR with the previous owner, and, needless to say, this endeared her to me tremendously.

Every so often, Gracie would have days when she wouldn't eat or drink anything for a day, then the next day she'd be perfectly fine. But last Thursday (9 Dec), she stopped eating and drinking, and she never really restarted. We took her to a vet on Saturday for some answers, and we got a few more answers today. Bladder stones, often a genetic predisposition in guinea piggies, were filling the space in her bladder. Cystic kidneys, which were undoubtedly shutting down and causing even more problems. And she was developing labored breathing. Plus, she was slowly starving and possibly dying of thirst as well (she was bloated, so I'm not sure if she was dehydrated and bloated at the same time). Her kidneys were enlarged and didn't feel right to the vet.

So, as hard as the decision was to make, we decided to have her euthanized today. We probably shouldn't even have waited this long, but we still had hopes she might rebound, and it's so hard to let go of critters we love so much.

Now, many tears later, we have to undo all of the habits and things we did for Gracie, and it'll be hard -- she became so ingrained in our daily lives. I had never been so attached to a pet before -- and as you might expect, I'm having a really hard time dealing with this right now.

Major surgery for me at Thanksgiving. Losing our beloved guinea piggy just before Christmas. I can't predict how I'll feel in a few days or weeks, but for now I'll just say: I'm just not in the mood for a holiday.

We love you, Gracie, and we believe you loved us, too. RIP, you cute, lovable piggy, you. =(

Some Thanksgiving THAT Was!

Uhh-h-h-h-h-h...

This year's Thanksgiving left a little to be desired. Dinner for me was broth and clear liquids, followed by drinking a liter of very salty water with no flavoring added.

Y'see, my wife was laid off from her job in early November. That means our medical insurance would expire by month's end. So I knew I had to get catch up on the various tests I needed.

One of these was the fecal occult blood test, a screening for colon cancer. Unfortunately, I tested positive, which meant I had to submit to a colonoscopy to determine the cause of the bleeding.

Turns out I had some cancer cells, and I was quickly scheduled for surgery. On the day after Thanksgiving.

So now I'm recovering from surgery and doing quite well considering they removed most of my ascending colon. The cancer (adenocarcinoma, a rather aggressive form of cancer) was Stage 1 -- it didn't appear to have spread outside of a 20mm (3/4")-wide tumor. I should be OK -- for now.

The whole event was surreal -- actually getting cancer, having a piece of me removed (not just a growth, as in surgeries past) and knowing I have to be better in time to resume teaching my microbiology class in mid-January.

Also, I never felt as close to death as I did during this time. I had thoughts that I might not survive the surgery itself, and I made sure The Wiffee was up-to-date on all of the passwords I use when I pay bills online. And, of course, I didn't know what they would find after they ripped my colon out of my body.

Well, obviously I survived, I feel very little pain, and I'm mostly just tired and find I don't focus on things well right now -- like I kinda don't give a rip about anything. I'm sure that will go away in time, and I have to remember to take it easy on myself as I continue to heal from this trauma to my body.

Meanwhile, I'm still looking forward to Christmas, although I won't be physically active in going around visiting, shopping or attending events. But I'm glad to be alive, glad I didn't procrastinate any more than I did (or I could have had a very different ending to this story) and glad that God apparently wants me alive for a bit longer, to do whatever it is He wants me to do.

Maybe there's a painting I'm meant to do -- and I have to be here long enough to do it!

Deviant -- Part II

Last time, I mentioned I've been spending time on deviantArt.com. Limited sales opportunities are available there -- whatever image you post there can be used to make prints, including (I think) on substrates other than paper.

These are some of the things I've learned about deviantArt:

• Lots of "manga & anime." I haven't gotten this genre figured out yet. Sort of cartoony/fantasy/warrior-like, all at the same time. And the characters have a thing for gloves w/o fingers.
  
• Lots of really cute females there. Many of the photos show models who, I'm sure, were chosen because they're attractive. But here, the artists post self-portraits, and the ARTISTS are unbelievably cute! I don't remember seen that much cuteness when I was younger. Where'd they all come from?
  
• Love and sex are common themes in deviantArt. I haven't made a count, but lesbian themes seem to be more common than gay men or hetero images.
  
• Otherworldly imagery is the overwhelming look.
  
• I love that the romantic images show people holding hands, fingers interlocked. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks that's sexy!

DeviantArt features quite a wide range of quality, from very-well done (usually in photography) to sketches made on ruled paper used to practice handwriting in elementary school. I can't say to what degree the "Deviations" (members are "Deviants," and images are "Deviations!) represent what younger people, especially, enjoy in their art. But I have been wondering:

Who are the art collectors of the future? Will classical realism in painting attract younger buyers at all, or will painters like me become totally obsolete? Will these kids grow up able to buy the type of art I do, assuming they even want it? Or will they be happy to hang mass-produced posters of anime or comic-looking characters? Or might they be able to subscribe to a service that downloads images of their choosing to a large LCD flatscreen, eliminating the need for originals or even prints of an artist's work?

Don't know, don't know. Maybe that's part of what fascinates me so much about deviantArt.com. It could be showing us the look of the future...or it could all be a fad that will blow away in the winds of the coming years.

Deviant

Yes, it's true: I'm a deviant!

That's what they call members of deviantArt.com. And I'm one of them.

I haven't had the opportunity to explore this site in detail, but artists post examples of their work which are all "collected" together on page after page of...well, quite a variety of work and artists from all over the world.

In a sense, I don't really fit there: classical/traditional artists (like me) are few and far between on deviantArt. There's photography, digital art and drawings and paintings, but the results lean toward the fantastic and "manga/anime," a cartoonish style that I haven't figured out yet. If members turn the mature content filter "off," many nudes and sexual images (especially lesbian encounters, for some reason) appear among all of the different styles and media types. Some of the language, in addition to the images, are not suitable for children, IMO.

I'm sure deviantArt is full of artists who are simply looking for a place to display their art. But if I understand right, once an artist posts an image, other people can order copies of the image as prints, T-shirts and other objects. DeviantArt and the artist then split the proceeds. This is where the business part of it comes in.

At this time, I don't know if this will be a venue that will be helpful to me. But as time goes along, I hope to get a better idea of what would work for me and, perhaps, make images that are unlike the traditional landscapes I make now and try 'em out on deviantArt.

Hmmm...I wonder if there is such a thing as anime cactus. =)

Beginning a Life's Change

If you were to check back to my post on 6 October 2010, you'd read about my sleep apnea diagnosis. Well, earlier this week I received a CPAP machine -- and the beginning of my life's change.

It takes some getting used to. The mask I wear looks like the ones fighter pilots wear. The sensation of having air blown into me is ... different: I can't exactly describe it. If I open my mouth when the mask and machine are on, my cheeks actually inflate and puff out like a balloon! The worst part, other than the discomfort of the mask itself (which I've heard I'll get used to), is when the seal isn't fitting tightly against my face. Then air leaks through the tiny gap and makes a sound that's similar to ... um ... "cutting the cheese." It's funny in a way, but it also wakes me up -- and keeps me awake until I mess with the thing until the sound stops.

I haven't had a full eight hours of sleep a night this week, but I've noticed I already have more energy, even if I'm a little sleepy. I'm been doing things again, including working on a painting after a significant break. (I hope to finish it tomorrow). And I have more in mind that I want to do.

The change has begun. For a long time, I thought I was too burned out to make art anymore. Turns out I'm not that burned out after all -- just sleep deprived. The machine is helping even though I'm still adjusting to using it.

What a difference.

I just may survive yet!

Sleep and Nature at Its Best

Ah...some good news since my last post: apparently I'll be getting a CPAP machine (100% covered by insurance) to treat my sleep apnea problem. HURRAY!!! I know it'll be an adjustment at first, getting used to having a mask on my face. But I've heard from other artists I know that once the patient gets used to it, they won't go back to sleeping without it. It'll be interesting.

Meanwhile, The Wiffee and I took a trip around SoCal this week, although it rained a good part of the week. It figures. But at least I was able to take a few worthwhile pictures to use in painting some artwork. Some of these were plants like tree ferns and cycads, which will appear in any additional dinosaur paintings that I make. And then there are views like this desert mountain west of Palm Springs, CA. No comments needed:

Asleep at the Easel - Literally

Ya know -- it's been a busy and tough year. January through May I was working hard trying to stay ahead of my students to teach microbiology at the local community college. After the semester ended, I felt wiped out. All I really wanted to do was rest -- and definitely not paint. I'd sit in front of a new canvas or panel, or in front of a piece I had already started, and mostly just -- sit. Painting had become an unbelievably difficult activity, and I assumed it was from working so hard at art over the years and from feeling a tad discouraged about the slow sales. Those still could be factors, but another factor came into play:

I was diagnosed with sleep apnea.

Apnea is a condition (if you don't already know) in which parts of the throat and roof of the mouth collapse during sleep, partially or completely blocking the air passage. This results in a slight arousal with each blocking episode, and apnea patients don't get the really deep sleep we need to function.

I always suspected I had this condition but never knew for sure. But so much makes sense now -- the lack of energy and motivation, the sleepy feeling I have all day (no matter how many hours I slept the night before), and falling asleep in front of the computer and even finding myself asleep at the easel when I do paint!

I'll be meeting with my doctor tomorrow to find out what's next (and, on another note, to find out why my sinusitis issues have become so painfully headachey this week). Unfortuantely, I had trouble sleeping at the sleep center (kind of ironic, huh?) -- the idea was to sleep for three hours -- the time it takes to get measurements -- and another three hours of sleeping while being hooked up to a CPAP (let's see -- that's Continuous Positive Airway Pressure) machine, which inflates the throat area and keeps it open. Unfortunately, I only slept for three hours that night. The tech got the readings (and told me it looks like apnea), but we weren't able to do the CPAP machine during which the tech would have determined the optimal settings for the gizmo and increase the likihood that my insurance would pay for the danged thing.

I know apnea patients who swear starting on a CPAP machine was a life-changing experience: more energy, better sleep at night, and less at risk for health problems caused by longterm sleep deprivation. The idea of having a mask strapped on my head seems like something that would keep me awake -- but I've heard sleep comes more easily, and it's better sleep.

I should get some guidance tomorrow. Wish me luck. And more energy to paint again.